My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
