I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My penis needs a shock collar
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
