Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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