We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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