How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you win again, gameday.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
