Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
