we have officially lost it.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize