So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
