By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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