ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Randomize
