I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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