Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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