just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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