3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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