I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
