I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
