well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
