FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
