We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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