we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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