you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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