His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
