I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
