Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
