her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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