No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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