Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
