Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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