Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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