You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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