My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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