sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
