You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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