just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
MIDGETS
????
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
