Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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