I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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