I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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