Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She bit a glass in half.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
