I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Are we still banned from the library?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
