I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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