So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
