Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
