and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
