I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
