Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
