he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
