it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
