Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
