did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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