What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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