can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
